Reality SF

Community is Shalom

Posted by Michelle Teslik on January 11, 2012.

In response to the sermon, “The Vandalism of Shalom,” Reality SF member, Samantha Weinhausen, shares her story about the lies she believed after becoming a first-time mom in May.

Having a new baby is supposed to be a time of happiness, and it is, but it’s also a time of complete exhaustion. So much so, it could easily be a time of depression. After Paige was born, I kept thinking I should be able to do all of this by myself. I wanted to be a mother and a wife without my husband, Isaac’s help- without anyone’s help. I wanted to be the god of my domain.

I also felt too guilty to ask for help. I felt shame in needing it, so I just wouldn’t ask. But my shame was not from God. It was a lie I believed: a lie telling me I had to have it all together and be able to do everything by myself to be validated as a mother and a wife.

The beautiful truth is we’re designed for community. Community is Shalom. It’s togetherness. It is not isolation. It gives people joy to serve. Girls would offer to come over and hold Paige so I could take a shower, or offer to hold her while I took a nap, or call me and say, “I’m at Trader Joes, what do you need?” But I ruined the opportunity for shalom by not seeking it, allowing it or accepting it. Because of the lie I believed, I was destroying shalom for other girls when they weren’t able to fulfill their need and desire for community; they weren’t able to help me, and therefore unable to experience the joy God created us for. If my house was a mess or dirty, I wouldn’t accept their help; I wanted them to think I had everything together perfectly, plus I thought I should have the time and the energy to be able to go to the grocery store for my family without the help of others.

But eventually, my husband and sweet nudges from Jesus helped me realize there wasn’t time for me to continue believing the lies I believed. I needed the help, I couldn’t do it all- and that didn’t make me a bad wife or mother. It only made room for Shalom. It only made me a better wife and mother.

Asking for help was humbling because I had to admit I couldn’t do it alone. It was prideful of myself to want prove to everyone how capable I was. I wanted credit and glory for being able to be a mom and a wife and a leader of a Reality SF community group. I wanted the praise for having good mom skills, good organization skills, and good housewife skills, instead of having to admit I could do it all only because of the help of other loving people.

We live in a city where we look around and see women who appear able to do it all: they are mothers, housewives and career women who still manage to do charity work and exercise four times a week. I saw them and thought, how do those women do all of that, and I’m just a mom? But I have to be content in the job and the life God has given me. I have to be confident in who God has made me and how much he has made me capable of doing, and doing well at one time. I’m a mom.

Satan had victory in my behavior. He doesn’t want Shalom- he wants chaos and death. He doesn’t want community. He wants to corner us, get us alone and then say, “Look, you can’t do it. I was right.” But by God’s design, we don’t have to do it by ourselves.

The guilt I felt, the lies I believed: they were not from God. Guilt is from Satan; Conviction is from God. Satan said to me, “you’re not good enough, but you should be.” While God said, “look at how much better it would be, if you would just trust me and live in community; live in the love I’ve surrounded you with.”

The cool thing is, we all have opportunities to make this Shalom -this community- happen. We only have to ask and let other people into our lives. They don’t know how to help if you don’t let them know. Community doesn’t have to be cute and clean, like meeting for coffee; it can be something like my friends do, “I’ll help you scrub your floor on Friday, you help me scrub mine.” It’s such a sweet example of new mothers living in community, accepting the Shalom they were made for and living in a paradise where floors are cleaned in love.

You can listen to, “The Vandelism of Shalom,” here.

Click here for more information or to become involved in a Reality SF community group.

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