Shame in Place

“But if I’m being honest, I don’t remember parenting ever feeling this difficult. The coronavirus and, more specifically, quarantine have everything dialed to 11. And the guilt is a never-ending cycle.”

In this article, Mark Serrels talks about the guilt that dominates his life right now as a work from home parent to two young boys. I think many of us can relate to the following scenes:

Guilt when you have to put your kids in front of a screen again.

Guilt when you can’t be as productive as your other co-workers or colleagues.

Guilt for not being patient enough with a simple request for your little one.

There’s a whole lot of guilt we are parents can carry these days as it can feel like we are failing on every front. So, first things first: acknowledge the feeling of guilt that lingers around you house and head right now. And, let’s be clear, it’s not really guilt. Guilt means you’ve violated some rule or law. No, this is shame. It is the voice that says “You should be working harder” or “Why didn’t you plan your day better?” We have entered a season of Shame in Place. Work, family and homeschooling collide in one space, leaving little margin for rest and even less margin for grace.

Our passage from this Sunday’s teaching, talks about shame: “And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:5, NIV) We fend off shame by putting our hope in God and His love for us. He is making all things right again, it’s a matter of how aware we are of His work and presence, even in our current circumstances.

So let’s pause and bring the shame before Jesus. Here’s a quick exercise to do right now, it will only take 5 minutes. Take a few breaths and think over the last 24 hours. Write down three critical thoughts you’ve had about yourself during that time. Then holding these in your mind, hear these words that God spoke over Jesus: “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” Re-read that a few times and put your name in place of my Son and him. Keep going until you feel your mind and spirit shifting away from shame. Allow you attention and focus turn to God, His love, grace and mercy. Let the voice of shame fade and the criticism turn to delight.

Now that we have disarmed shame, we can help our children find God with curiosity and delight.

Moving to Hope in Place

In The Gift of Being Yourself, David Benner writes: “It is relatively easy to meet God in moments of joy or bliss…The challenge is to believe that is also true–and to know God’s presence–in the midst of doubt, depression anxiety, conflict or failure. But the God who is Immanuel is equally in those moments we would never choose as in those we would always gladly choose.“

This week, we offer these three family practices to help us remember that God is with us and actively at work, may they help you shed the feelings of guilt and shame and move you into hope! Use these everyday, choose a new one to try each day or as and when you feel like it’s right.

Finding God in all things

Feel free to do this one at home or on a walk. Tell everyone to find one or two items that God has made and take a few minutes to wonder about how God made each item. Feel free to take some time to wonder about each thing and how it reminds us of God and His character. The Father is with us no matter where we go, reminding us of His love and care seen through all He has created.

Imaginative Prayer

This practice is reading a portion of Scripture together and while listening, allowing yourself to be in the scene that is happening, watching, listening and interacting with the characters in the story. Let your children process and prompt them by asking them open ended questions that help them describe what they saw, heard, or felt. Try asking What questions instead of Why questions.

Some suggested passages to read are Jeremiah 18, John 4:3-15, Matthew 14:26-29, Mark 1:2-11, Matthew 8:1-4 or John 2:1-11.

Examen

The Examen is a review of the day where one pays attention to their feelings and God’s movement. The prayer can be simplified by asking children to tell you about something that happened to them today, asking them how it made them feel, and what they might want to say to God about it. Do they want to thank God? Or do they want to ask God for help?

I believe these practices will bring a change to your house this week. May the voice of shame and “you’re not enough” give way to the clear truth that God adores you and your children and bring forth new hope.